Sex toys can be intimidating, sometimes especially so for couples who have never used toys in their sexual relationship. We at Libido believe that sex toys offer a great opportunity for empowerment, fun, and closeness, but understand why many people feel uneasy or threatened by the prospect of introducing sex toys into their routine. Unfortunately, it’s a myth that’s been around for as long as people have been finding pleasure from sex toys: the fear that, once one partner starts using sex toys, they’ll no longer have the need for sex with a real person; that the toy will in time come to replace them.
Well, rest assured that this fear is just that - a myth!
Sex toys are a lot of fun, so it's no wonder you and/or your partner might be curious about them. If you've never used a toy before, it's natural to feel a bit of trepidation. When it comes to your partner's interests, consider this perspective: a rabbit vibrator can’t provide the same warmth, conversation, sexual tension, sweet-nothings, and passion that a person (like you!) can. Plus, we have our hunches that cuddling with a rabbit vibrator afterwards would be, well...uncomfortable, to say the least. We understand your concerns though, so let’s talk about them, shall we?
Alright, so maybe your first thought is “if my partner wants to use a toy, i must not be enough for them!” This concern is perfectly valid, sure, but try thinking of it this way: toys are meant to enhance sexual experiences, not replace them. Think of them like lingerie, chocolate, and Barry White - while not vital to the experience, they certainly add a little something-something to the atmosphere! Toys present a new opportunity to become even more intimate with your partner. Take a vibrator, for example: did you know that many people enjoy the sensations of a vibrator all over their body, and not just on (or in) their genitals? If you find yourself in a position where your partner is suggesting that you get some sex toys, they’re not telling you that they’re trying to find something “better” than you. Chances are, your partner is simply interested in progressing your relationship together by exploring another avenue of excitement. Changing things up in the bedroom can be a great way to grow closer to one another, and to have fun together. If you’re still not sure about using a full-on insertable vibrator yet, try setting the mood by using a smaller one, like the bodywand mini massager - you know that certain spot that drives your partner crazy? Try using the toy there! In conjunction with some massage oils or lotions, you can have a lot of fun exploring one another, finding your favorite erogenous zones while still maintaining the personal aspect.
Perhaps you’re experiencing a little toy jealousy? Toys can certainly be a lot of fun when used solo, which people often do, but that doesn’t mean you’re being replaced. If you’re left wondering why your significant other is opting for some “private time” instead of personal time with you tonight, it may simply be because they just need some private time (most people do!). In fact, some would consider their masturbation a valuable part of their self-care routine, and find that masturbating is a great way to decompress. Fill the tub or put some special bedsheets down, light a candle, put on your favorite music, and relax! Sexual acts release both endorphins and oxytocin, which can help relieve stress and pain, so it makes sense to incorporate it into your self-care routine as well as in the bedroom. You and your partner can both enjoy the benefits of using sex toys solo, so while they’re exploring their favorite toys, why not get some of your own? Spend some time to find out what you like - going at it alone at first can help you feel more comfortable with the toys and with yourself using them, so when it comes time to introduce them to your partner - or vice versa - you’ll be more at ease with them.
Some excellent toys for beginners include smaller-sized vibrators, anal training kits, prostate massagers, and masturbators. Any of these toys can be used solo and with a partner! If you’re looking for a toy marketed specifically towards couples to get you started, the we-vibe 4 plus is one of Libido's favorites. It’s size is non-intimidating and it can be used in a variety of ways, to stimulate people and couples of all kinds. Another cool feature? Many we-vibe toys, including the 4-plus, are app compatible, with features that include the capability to build “playlists” of your beau’s favorite vibration patterns. Sounds like fun to us! Other toys we carry that are fun for couples are remote controlled bullet vibrators, penis strokers of all kinds, and even lingerie and party games - why not pick up a pair of sex dice with your new toy to liven things up even more? Playing a game together can be a great way to ease tension and break the ice, a perfect segue into using your new toy together.
People of all genders and sexes find pleasure from sex toys; whether used solo or with a partner, they present an amazing opportunity to get to know yourself and each other.
Have any questions? Come on down to Libido Adult Store - with a selection that caters to beginners and experts alike, we’d be more than happy to help you find a toy for both you and/or your partner to enjoy.
All content provided on the Libido website and blog is for entertainment and informational purposes only. Advice presented within this article is not a substitution for the medical advice of a professional. Please consult your physician with any questions or concerns before proceeding.
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**This is a great list of self-care activities; feel free to amend the pronouns used to fit you - self care is important for everyone, including but not limited to women.